Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
