I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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