i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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