Nicole vs. Life
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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