i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think people are normalizing furries
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