You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
