..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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