just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
