she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
