Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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