I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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