Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
