Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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