im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
