getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
