Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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