We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
