you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
