Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
