There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
