dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
