I wanna passion pit in your ass
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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