Sry I called you an 8
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
