Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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