I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
