can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
