is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
