I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
