Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
