Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
