I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Vodka?
Forever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
