I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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