that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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