Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
