He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
