Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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