Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize