apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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