After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
