I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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