I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
