I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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