you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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