You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
