My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
