I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
