No stitches, just platelets and will power
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
