I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize