if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
