Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
