Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
