There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
