So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
