Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
