God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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