So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
