I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
