Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
