i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
