That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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