Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
