these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
