In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
