i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
