That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize