Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
