I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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