Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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