I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
