New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
