he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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