Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
