I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
