I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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