just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
